So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
