so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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