Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
