I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
