I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
