Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My penis needs a shock collar
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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