ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
