If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
