It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
