That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i dont even know how to be here
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
