How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
