laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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