Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
