Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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