can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
