Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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