Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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