I feel like abortions should bother me more
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
