When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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