i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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