everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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