I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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