giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Couch. On fire.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
