Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I understand Curling. That high.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
