we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
