She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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