you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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