I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was not drunk enough for that final.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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