We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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