Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
