I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
