wanna go halves on a baby?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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