We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
