i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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