I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
