It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
time to smoke my breakfast
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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