You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my shit smells like andre
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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