____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
