I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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