My nipple is on Facebook.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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