i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
