Do you still have your period?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
