i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
