Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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