I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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