how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
