Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
These tits shall not be calmed
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
