we have officially lost it.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
this hospital has no fireball
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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