Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
well I can't set my house on fire every night
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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