I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
