Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
