I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
